Confessions of The Food Hater.
Today was the occurence of the meal dedicated to the manager of the Cancer Research shop in Ross who is leaving on Saturday. I work there as a volunteer, usually Saturday mornings, but more time during the holidays.
There was a limited menu and I had to choose between two to three options on each course a few weeks previous.
I didn't know what to choose because I hadn't tried half of the food on the menu. The dessert was fine - sticky toffee pudding all the way, but I was relatively nervous ordering the other two courses. At first when I was asked by the manager what I wanted, I had to choose there and then without consultation with anyone who knows what I eat better than me.
I chose steak which was quickly followed by the question "How do you like it done?", I had no idea what to answer so I shrugged my shoulders trying not to be embarrassed and, to my relief, he took this as a 'doesn't really matter'.
Anyway, after hearing that other people were having salad I decided to quickly change to this choice instead, because, though I don't eat it, I know it's a safe option.
So the day comes, not too nervous really - I knew I could blag my way through it by messing the food up on the plate to look like I'd at least tried . .
Starter: Pate on toast. I don't remember ordering that.
Never had pate before. Layer of fat on top of the pate. The butter is too frozen to spread on the broken toast and the pate is sat there in a short cylinder at the side of the plate expecting to be knived, so I can't get away with eating only the toast and butter.
My body often acts without my mind actually being aware of a feeling - my body was nervous but my mind wasn't, hence the first thing I did was throw the knife on the floor with an inelegant tinny clatter.
Anyone for white wine? Yes please.
All too willing to try foods these days (but not too eager to try them at gatherings of people) I spread some of the pate on the toast, missing the layer of fat and i tried a very small triangle of it. It seemed nice, kind of salty. I'm not used to things having after-tastes, I'm used to block foods - nothing lingering afterwards, just immediate block tastes, so I was a bit surprised and dismayed when I had to quickly wash it down with water or wine.
I think I ate about half a piece of pate on toast and it took me the entire time that it took the other thirty guests to finish their starters.
The girl collecting the plates asked if everything was "alright" regarding my barely-started starter.
Pour a glass of water. Sip the dregs of white wine.
The next course is being dealt out - chicken and salad everyone is having. Oh, is that what I ordered?
No, I ordered feta cheese, olives and salad. I don't remember ordering the former two either.
Cold cheese has got to be the food I hate the most, just below the mixture of tuna and sweetcorn. I detest the texture of cold cheese with a passion. I thought I was going to be alright with a mouthful of wine after the first centimetre square cube, but trying another piece I retched, but I hope not noticeably, sat in the centre of the very long dining table, surrounded by volunteers tucking in to their free meal merrily. I also tried two black olives that were not to my tastes either.
I ate several pieces of vegetables and tried some chilli sauce that I thought might disguise some taste, but in vain.
I think I was drawing a bit of attention at the lack of food I was eating; at how little the large pile had reduced.
Finally after a pretty painful wait for the plates to be removedCan we get another white wine over here please?the pudding arrived.
Sticky toffee pudding in custard. Typically my forte, but not today; I just did not feel like eating after the feta cheese and embarrassingly ate with the dessert fork instead of the spoon, not feeling inclined to look like a fool swapping cutlery after realising half-way through.
My ignorance of food and it's accessories has haunted me for all of my life.
I felt like I had to write this so I can refer anyone to it when I can't describe my habits correctly.
I think this about explains it.
